So Deep, So Intelligent

"Nothing compares to a beautiful conversation with a beautiful mind."

So when I pick Sabrina up from school in the afternoons, we have such great conversations. She tells me all about what she is learning in her history classes, and we try to get to the bottom of some of the puzzling situations in history. Like the day we discussed how such an atrocity like the Salem Witch Trials ever could have occurred. What possessed these people? Literally. Or, what really did happen at the Boston Massacre? Were the colonists really the innocent victims our history books claim they were. Were the British soldiers really merciless villains? Food for thought. And we generally dine well on those rides home from school.

Sometimes the discussions are so deep, so overflowing with intelligent ideas, that I can only help you understand by recounting the conversation verbatim. Yesterday was such a day. This is how the discussion went to the best of my recollection:

Me: "Hey, how was your day?"

Sabrina: "Pointless. Like I knew it would be. Nobody wanted to be at school on the last day of the term, not even the teachers. So I was sitting in history class, and me and this kid started talking. So what if instead of Tar and Feathering like they used to do in this country, we dumped a bucket of hot tar on a person then dumped a bucket of Legos on them? And then we rolled him down a hill? Wouldn't that make him say, 'I hate my life?!' 

Me:(Laughing really hard) (Peeing a little) "Yes Sabrina, death by Tar and Legoing would be a most heinous death, especially if they were sure to lodge one Lego firmly to the bottom of the poor victim's foot. Now what exactly were you supposed to be doing in class while you and your friend were having such an enlightening discussion?"

Sabrina: "We were supposed to be reading a thirteen page article, and I tried, but then me and 'guy student who shall not be named' got to talking. What if instead of stoning someone, we threw hot meatballs at them? That would be bad."

Me: (Snort) (Laugh) (I'm changing my pants the minute I get home) "Um yeah, death by hot meatball. I can't think of anything worse. Unless of course they threw loaves of warm french bread at the same time. Then maybe it would be okay. So now, where was your teacher during all of this."

Sabrina: "He assigned us the articles then left the classroom for a whole hour. I told you he didn't want to be there anymore than we did."

Me: "So instead you came up with gruesome ways to torture people?"

Sabrina: "Pretty much. I told you you should have checked me out and taken me to Kneaders."

Me: "I'll make a mental note for next term."

Sabrina: "Please do."

Yes, sometimes Sabrina and I figure out how to save the world on the way home from school, and sometimes we figure out how to end it, one steaming hot meatball and brightly colored Lego at a time.

Excuse Me While I Rant About Reason

"Reason is God's greatest gift to man." -Sophocles

Last night was bookclub, a.k.a my most favorite night of the month. That the Lord would take one woman out of Mississippi, one out of Las Vegas, and one out of Oregon, and place them in the same neighborhood just long enough for us to meet, form a book club, and become best friends before I moved was a tender mercy. That I have these kindred spirits in my life is truly soul-saving. I am guessing our bookclubs are like every other bookclub throughout the world. We discuss the book for about 30 minutes and everything else for about five hours.

My mom always said that the most base discussions involve talking about things, one step above that but still very shallow is talking about people, but the richest conversations are those that discuss ideas. The gossip train never enters our discussions. We discuss ideas for hours, seldom coming up for air, and seldom checking our clocks until at least midnight if not 1:00 a.m.

 We all walked into bookclub fuming last night, because apparently all of our kids have 80 missing assignments, and we didn't find this out until the last week of the term. Obviously we are not helicopter moms checking grades every twelve hours. Our host was twitching in the corner after her son informed her that afternoon that he had a large science term project due the next day. We spent the next hour discussing how we are the worst moms ever and that our kids are officially ruined and that they are slowly killing us one missing assignment at a time. We all said the same thing, that evening, as we gazed upon the horrors that were our kids grades, "FIGURE IT OUT! I'M GOING TO BOOKCLUB!" Then we left, to vent to one another, so that we don't do something we'll regret.

Our final conversation was a good one. We all chose to read some sort of WWII book this month. I know that seems morbid, but such books seem to breed great discussion, which it absolutely did last night. One friend read a great book that is already on its way to my house, thanks to Amazon Prime. This book discusses the interesting philosophies of Naziism and what Hitler was doing to create "a docile mass" who was completely subservient to the Fuhrer and his destructive government. The book sites some "ominous parallels" between what happened in Nazi Germany and what is happening in our own country. It would be so easy to poo-poo such a notion, but remember, the tactics that Hitler used were very subtle to begin with. Now I'm no extremist. I don't get too heavy into politics. But I do have some concerns. 

As we hashed out thoughts and ideas concerning what is happening in our country and society, I came to an epiphany. Are we teaching and allowing the people in this time and in this country to reason for themselves? Will the next generation be able to reason for themselves? I feel like there is the ability to think, and there is the ability to reason. I don't know that those two terms are always synonymous. 

I feel like in today's world, we push STEM in our schools, and in our colleges, and in our culture. Science, Technology, Engineering, Math. That's it. It is what is being pushed in all of our schools, because, let's face it, that is where the money is. There is nothing wrong with these subjects. They are valuable. No question about it. Our country seems to be all about creative thinking, problem solving, and innovation, which are all valuable qualities to have. But I am concerned that we place little to no value on the humanities, political sciences, history, literature, philosophy. It would seem that these classes are not being pushed or encouraged. They are treated as fluff classes. But are they really? Is it not  crucial for the next generation to be able to look at what is happening in society, to see it for what it really is, to be able to recognize the things that are wrong, and to have the courage to fix them?  Is this not just as important as being able to come up with the next piece of cutting edge medical equipment? In fact, is it not more important?

I remember my wise mother telling me she had read a study done after WWII. They wanted to know what made some Germans turn in their Jewish neighbors to the Nazis, and what made others risk their lives and the lives of their families to harbor and protect their Jewish neighbors. Their findings were interesting. They found that those who turned in the Jews came from authoritarian and totalitarian families. They came from homes where you never questioned authority. Those who risked their lives to save the Jews came from families where it was okay to question...even authority.

So when our kids ask us Why? when we are reprimanding them, perhaps our first instinct shouldn't be, "Don't you talk to me that way young lady!" Perhaps when we see our children trying to reason through what is going on in their own little spheres of influence, we should welcome such a thought process. 

If the schools aren't providing our kids with enough opportunities to reason, then perhaps we should fill in the gaps. Are our kids having lots of chances to ask themselves, "Is this reality? Is this truth? Is this right? Should someone do something about this?" Are the books they are reading leaving them asking such questions? Are the movies they are watching making them think? I will be cooking dinner and listening to the movie my kids are watching in the other room, and I'll think to myself, "There has been literally no dialogue for the last twenty minutes! I think this movie's whole script could fit on one double spaced page!" This is a problem. Mindless entertainment should be the exception, not the norm. Are we taking our kids to museums, to concerts with complex and moving music, to movies that are sometimes pure dialogue? Do we make them sit down and watch a documentary with us sometimes? Do we require them to take a break from their constant light reading to read something that makes them question, "What would I do in this circumstance?"

What kind of conversations do we have as a family or in our classrooms? Do we look at what is happening in the world, and do we ask our kids, "Is an individual or a group of people being unfairly demonized in this situation? Or is a person or group of people being ignorantly idolized?" Do we stop and look at a philosophy that is being embraced in society, and do we ask our kids or our students, "Is this philosophy based on truth? Is it based on reality? Are there some hidden dangers cleverly disguised in this philosophy? And what are we going to do about it?"

I know that our society is working very hard at having the next generation of great innovators. This is a good thing. But should we not also be working toward having the next generation of sound reasoners? Can we afford to have the next generation become a docile mass? 

Are we supporting a government that protects individual liberties for all of its people? Unlike any other country in any other time, this country was founded upon ideas. Are those ideas being protected? Do they still make up the foundation of this beautiful country? Are those liberties still intact so that, in the future, when a generation who has been taught to reason, questions something going on in that country, they will be able to freely voice their concerns? I remain hopeful that those liberties will remain protected. 

There is a scripture I have grown to love:

Doctrine and Covenants 93:24- "And truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come."

In a time where the virtual world collides constantly with the real world, where the philosophies of men don't always coincide with truth, and where conflicting voices bombard us at the simple swipe of a screen, the power to discern and to see things as they really are will be invaluable. I am working to cultivate this trait in myself and working even harder to cultivate it into the next generation, for they will need it.

Gathering - It's What We Do Best

"All great change in America begins at the dinner table." 
-Ronald Reagan

This photo is of the aftermath of our annual Halloween dinner held last evening. I wanted the newlyweds present so I designated Sunday night as the night. After my painstaking effort to purchase all of the necessary ingredients Saturday night, I found myself without eggs on Sunday afternoon. I was determined to keep the Sabbath Day holy, so I sent Jess and Sabrina to Mom's to fetch four eggs. Everything was coming along swimmingly until Neil got the laptop out and began to book a vacation home for our D.C. trip in the spring. I wanted to tell him that making major vacation plans just as I was in the thick of making homemade chicken noodle soup seemed like a bad idea, but I was trying not to be that naggy wife. 

Just as I began to add flour to the noodle mixture, Neil was getting close to finalizing the booking, and I was trying to remind him to first find out if the house we wanted was near a metro stop because I didn't want to have to walk a mile every day to get to public transit. This was just enough distraction to cause my already fragile brain to completely lose count of how many cups of flour I had put into the noodles. There were too many cups of flour, I knew it. Insert meltdown. Jessica told me to calm down and just add some more milk. I looked at her like lobsters were coming out of her nostrils. Making those homemade noodles is like performing delicate heart surgery. If the milk, to egg, to flour ratio is not spot on, then you end up with noodles the consistency of rubber tires. I know, because I made rubber tire noodles for the first ten years of our marriage. The only choice was to start over on the noodles. 

Neil knew he was in trouble. He immediately set off to the store to buy more eggs. That's it. The Sabbath was officially broken. My determination to keep The Big Ten was for not. Which is probably why it all went downhill from there. Spencer had offered to make the cornbread while I was lamenting over how dinner was ruined and he forgot to add the egg. So we served unleavened corn bread with our soup. Spencer also felt like Jonah had been awfully generous in serving up his orange float while being a little stingy with Sabrina's portion. He took it upon himself to even up the portions, resulting in half the contents of Jonah's cup ending up all over the table. But the second batch of noodles was on pointe, thank you very much!

As we sopped up the orange float and Spencer apologized profusely while Sabrina asked him why he could't leave well enough alone, I thought I heard the faint sound of circus music humming in the background. And I was pretty sure I could read Taylor's thoughts.

Surely he was thinking for the fifth time this month, "What kind of crazy have I married into?!"

But I didn't let the insanity keep me from enjoying our special dinner. You see Imperfection seems to abound so unhindered in my life that he and I have become rather good friends. His austere brother, Perfection, thinks we have the plague and never sets foot in our house, but Imperfection?...he and I are tight. His presence is so constant now that we just set him a regular place at the dinner table. He's part of the family really. This night, he sat smugly next to Jonah, patting himself on the back for doing exceptional work this particular evening. 

Dinner was a delight. A good time was had by all.

So why do I do this? Why do I plan these elaborate meals and give myself meltdowns over the execution of such meals? Something that a dear friend said recently comes to mind.

She said,"I plan elaborate birthday parties for my kids. It's what I do. It's what moms do. We plan fun and special birthdays for our families."

That resonated with me this morning as I pondered over my still messy kitchen. It's what I do. I gather my children around the dinner table for special meals. It's what moms do. We gather our families. It is a trait inherent in women. We feel the need to gather our families, and we feel even more compelled to do so as our children begin to leave the nest. We often work under the tried and true belief that "If we feed them, they will come." So we plan special dinners and parties and picnics. We gather. It's what we do.

There is such value in gathering our families, and it would seem that women feel called to the work of gathering. I see it in my own life. I see it as the adults in my family look forward to Halloween as much as the kids, as it means that our mother will gather us to her home every 31st of October to feed us and to love us. We will find her in her apron, and in her kitchen, toiling over large pots of chili, worrying, as she does every year, whether she got the spices right. We will purr as she pulls hot rolls out of the oven that smell of home and taste of heaven. We will forget our own troubles for one night as we sit around the dinner table and laugh and reminisce and bask in the beauty that is family. 

I am reminded poignantly of the importance of gathering since the passing of Neil's mom. She made it her life's work to gather her children, and she made it look effortless, always creating reasons to bring the kids home and to gather them around her dining room table. Now we find ourselves going weeks at a time without seeing each other because the master gatherer is no longer with us.

I speak not just of mothers but of women. There is not a person in my family who would not contend that next to our mother, our single sister is best at gathering our family. The dinners and parties and baby showers that she has thrown over the years have created some of our fondest family memories and bonds. 

We live in a world that is beginning to demean and belittle some of the traits inherent to women. Some of the intangible and immeasurable qualities of women, such as the ability to gather our loved ones, are rarely praised or even acknowledged in this new age of corporate climbing and material success. This same world is drowning in violence and immorality and corruption. I refuse to be demeaned by such a world. I will not be told where my value lies by a confused and floundering society. This world that attempts to place a band-aid on a cancer by screaming for regulations, and policies, and support groups, and institutions and speaks nothing of a need for more nurturing in the home, holds no clout to me. Could it be that the greatest battles are those against home and family and women? Could it be that the enemy of all good knows the power of one woman gathering her family? Could it be the thing that he fears most is the thought of women all over the world, in affluent homes and the most humble of homes alike, regularly gathering their families in a loving and nurturing way?

Could it be that, as we gather our children and nourish their bodies with food and their souls with love, that we are, in fact, doing God's work? Was Jesus Christ not always gathering his disciples, feeding their bodies first, and then feeding their spirits?

I say all of this because the struggle is real for me. Too often I come rushing through the door, throw some takeout on the counter, yell to the kids to "eat up", then rush off to my next event. For too many years now, I have considered the nagging task of meal prep to be the greatest thorn in my side. Too often I ignore my need to gather my family. And yet when I do gather my chicks around the table, I feel most content, most fulfilled, most authentic, to coin all of the buzz words that seem to be floating around these days.

Sometimes we gather our family around a meal of hot soup, and handmade noodles, and warm unleavened cornbread. And the other 29 days of the month we may gather them around a plate of frozen corndogs and tatertots straight out of the microwave, or a pizza still in the box. Somehow I feel that there is value in all of it. Sometimes we gather our family and engage in uplifting conversation where all voices are heard, all opinions are valued, and where strong Christian values are instilled. And the other 29 days of the month, we may gather our family and engage in 30 minutes of uncurbed bickering and bantering while our good friend Imperfection sits resolutely at the head of the table. Could it be that there is still much good in such an evening? Could it be that the self-esteem and sense of security that we are creating in our kids by consistently gathering them is far greater than any self-help course or support group could do?

We women are good at gathering our loved ones. It's what we do. I believe the world would do good to remain silent and to allow its women to do what we do best. There is value in this work. I feel it in my very bones. May I have the courage to act upon such feelings.

While On The Way Home From School

Just thought I would jot this down because life changes, and in no time at all this won't be my life. Spencer is in the high school musical. Practice starts a half an hour before his actual school gets out. So I pick up Sabrina from the high school then we drive over to the junior high and wait for Spence to get out of school. 

I could take Sabrina home on the way but she likes a drive and a talk. So I listen. Today I listened while I munched on chips and  bean dip. Sabrina discussed how much she loved the book Frankenstein and how her friends didn't understand the book like she did. Her friends only see the monster as... well...a monster. They don't see him as a tormented creature who didn't ask to be created and had not a single friend in the world. Her friends said big deal surely he could have handled his problems in some other way. To which Sabrina replied, "Easy for you to say. You are surrounded by friends and family who love you, and even if you didn't have them, you have a God in heaven who created you and loves you infinitely. The monster had literally no one. Even his creator loathed him. I feel sorry for Frankenstein's monster." This led to our favorite discussion about how this is why we love classic literature. The characters are so complex just like people are. We like books that leave you torn about the character. Deliciously flawed and complex characters. That is what modern fiction seems to be lacking. But don't get Sabrina on that rant.

Then Sabrina talked about how in creative writing class they sat in the dark auditorium and told ghost stories. Since Layton High is celebrating 50 years this year, they learned all about the barn that used to sit where the high school auditorium now stands.  A large family lived in that barn back in the early 1900's until the Spanish Influenza killed every single member of the family. There are those who have claimed to hear children's laughter in that auditorium. Good stuff. There's nothing like a good ghost story.

We finished up the conversation with Sabrina relating to me all sorts of Greek history. She adores her Greek and Roman history class and expressed to me that everyone should have to take such a history class since our very society is based on Greek philosophy, Greek democracy, Greek architecture, Greek literature, you name it, the Greeks started it, according to Sabrina.

That girl was born talking. The fabulous thing is that her brain is thinking in even more rapid succession than her tongue is speaking. So I just sit back and enjoy the drive while she enlightens me or makes me laugh until I can't breathe. It won't be long before she's off to college, and I will miss our afternoon talks. I'm glad I captured this talk on this day because I will have forgotten it by tomorrow.

Words To Live By

To quote Sabrina last night:

"Sometimes you gotta twerk to your own drum."

Amen. Cute daughter of mine. Amen.

The Steady Passing of Time

Thirteen years of October Conference Sunday Fall Picnics

2002 - No Jonah. I was three months pregnant with the little guy.

2003-Now there's Jonah. The smiliest baby you ever did see.

2004- This was during Spencer's "I hate pictures" phase of life. It lasted for a considerable period of time actually.

2005

2006

2008

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

Yesterday!

Oh, the steady passing of time. It changes babies into children and children into adults. It leaves parents clinging to every moment with those children. Thirteen years. It goes by like that. 

Seeking Specific Blessings

I had a good bishop who always taught that if you wish for specific blessings, then it is a good idea to search the scriptures for what commandments those blessings are predicated on. I am always delighted when I find a blessing in the scriptures that I am desperately seeking, and then, without fail, the Lord lets me know in the verse before or after what it is I need to do to obtain such a blessing. I found a real gem today.

Here is the blessing, and I don't know a single person who is not yearning for such a blessing in his or her life. 

D&C 21:6- "For by doing these things the gates of hell shall not prevail against you; yea, and the Lord God will disperse the powers of darkness from before you, and cause the heavens to shake for your good, and his name's glory."

To have the powers of darkness dispersed in my home and family and to have the Lord cause the heavens to shake for my good? That's what I need. That's what I want every day of my life. So what do I need to do to entitle myself to such blessings? The Lord spells it out in verses four and five. Though He is speaking of the prophet Joseph Smith in this verse, I believe He is referring to all prophets, including our current prophet, Thomas S. Monson. 

"...thou shalt give heed unto all his words and commandments which he shall give unto you as he receiveth them, walking in all holiness before me;"

"For his word ye shall receive, as if from mine own mouth, in all patience and faith."

To give heed to the words and commandments of our current prophet and to receive his word with patience and faith. That's all God asks. Then He will ensure that the gates of hell will not prevail against me and that the powers of darkness will disperse from before me, and He will cause the heavens to shake for my good. If I follow His prophet, He will bless me. He is not only bound and obligated to bless me, He is eager to do so. 

There has been a lot of contentious chatter on social media these days concerning all that is going on in the world. I find myself feeling uneasy and at times confused, but I ask myself two questions. Do I believe in an all-knowing and all-loving Heavenly Father who understands things infinitely better than I do? And if I believe in such a God, the next question I ask myself is, does God speak His holy mind and will to our current prophets, seers, and revelators? I can answer both questions with a resounding yes.

So I eagerly anticipate the opportunity to listen to the words of our modern prophet and apostles this weekend. I will anxiously tune into LDS.org and prepare myself to receive their words with patience and faith. As I do this, I am confident that the questions and uneasiness will be replaced with clarity of mind and a quiet heart. I will be able to see things as they really are. I will do my best to act with diligence upon the things I hear, and will pray and hope that the Lord will cause the heavens to shake for my good.