All Kinds of Minds

"I think schools should assume responsibility for teaching kids how to learn, and parents need to have the assignment of teaching kids how to work!" -Dr. Mel Levine

I just finished another book from my favorite learning expert. I would say that I find myself referring to these three books as I struggle to help my children almost as much as I turn to my scriptures. I suppose they have become a sort of parenting bible to me. 

I read A Mind At A Time by Mel Levine when my oldest was maybe in second grade. I found it intriguing but figured I'd have little use for it since my little angel seemed to be doing just fine in school and saw no reason why any of her tiny siblings would have any trouble. I have since voraciously re-read the book, marking it up, and keeping Neil up at night as I've read every underlined paragraph to him.

Dr. Levine discusses the fact that our brain has different neurodevelopmental functions. Those functions work together as we navigate through life and are vital for our learning. Every one of us have certain functions that work at tip-top capacity while every one of us have one or more functions that seem to be miswired, where there is a disconnect, and we have loads of functions that work somewhere in between. The way our brains are wired may affect how we learn.

Dr Levine sights these neurodevelpmental systems:

Attention Control System

Memory System

Language System

Spatial and Sequential Ordering System

Motor System

Higher Thinking System

Social Thinking System

As my children have grown and struggled through the school system, I have found myself baffled and frustrated time and again. Why can't this child just sit down and focus on his homework? Why does that child have amazing verbal language skills but when she writes it's as if a first grader wrote it? How can this child sit down and work on a drawing for hours, but when it's time to work on some math problems, she refuses to focus? How is it that this kid is a genius academically but can never seem to find his backpack or shoes? Too often I would blame it all on laziness. If he would just put forth the effort, he could do it. She's just too lazy when it comes to writing or math or spelling. 

I have since learned that my children each have very unique minds. Very unique. Completely unique. And I wish I had Dr. Levine's PHD as I try to solve the mystery of how their brains work so that I can help them be successful in school, learn at their greatest capacity, have self-confidence and esteem, and eventually be high-functioning adults as Dr. Levine discusses in my latest read, Ready Or Not, Here Life Comes. 

Too often, we adults like to just give a child a label like ADD or dyslexic. I think our children need less labeling and more adults who truly take the time to understand how their brains work. This has been one of the most difficult things about parenting for me. Getting to know each child's brain and helping that brain to thrive. Half the time, I feel like I'm failing my children. But I'm trying.

I had a brain that was wired for the school system. School was not a struggle. But I have my own disconnects, namely when it comes to my spatial and motor system. That's why my kids get so excited to watch me park and why Neil rolls his eyes when he gets yet another desperate phone call from his wife informing him that she has no idea where she is, all she knows is that she is alone in a field, facing Antelope Island. But these are minor issues that caused me little trouble in school. Neil on the other hand struggled all the way up through junior high. He struggled with language and memory at least. But the guy made it through engineering school and thrives in his job, so there is hope. I know there is hope.

It has been detective work at its finest, but fascinating detective work. The happiness and success of my children being the anticipated result of so much study and worry and mystery solving. I have  learned that that child who was so verbally advanced was struggling to get the rapidly flowing ideas on paper, because the actual handwriting was stifling her as was the effort she had to take to try to spell and use correct grammar. This child that I thought was just too lazy to sit down and write a paragraph is now working on her second novel thanks to a keyboard and spell check. What we may think is a language problem may actually be a memory problem or a fine motor problem or an attention problem, and it may only be one aspect of memory or fine motor or attention that is the problem. Or it is most likely a combination of  systems misfiring. Honestly, in all reality, we should get PHDs before giving birth. What was the Lord thinking entrusting us with his precious children without first making us inherent learning experts?

My children run the whole gamut of minds. I have learned that what appears to be laziness at homework time is most likely a child who is putting forth very much mental energy and is struggling with output thanks to some neurodevelopmental disconnects.

I'm sorry, this post has been lengthy. But I feel that every parent should have these books sitting on their shelves and should be referring to them regularly. Is it silly that I'm considering giving them as baby gifts? There's crazy Aunt Steph giving books as gifts again. Would it kill her to find a cute romper or sleeper? But I assure you, that baby will grow out of that darling romper and you will send her to school one day, and your heart will break the first time she comes home from school and mumbles about how reading or math is too hard. You will cry yourself to sleep when she comes home and calls herself stupid or asks why she always has to be in the dumb group. You will find yourself grappling at anything that will allow your child to feel successful and smart. And you will turn to crazy aunt Steph's books, and you will find some solace. 

You will find that "different" brain sitting inside that child's precious little noggin' to be a beautiful puzzle begging for solving. And it will be your privilege to unlock the hidden powers of that remarkable brain, so that child can thrive. 

I'll leave you with a "few" quotes from three very marked up books.

"Some minds are wired to create symphonies and sonnets, while others are fitted out to build bridges, highways, and computers; design airplanes and road systems; drive trucks and taxicabs; or seek cures for breast cancer and hypertension. The growth of our society and the progress of the world are dependent on our commitment to fostering in our children, and among ourselves, the coexistence and mutual respect of these many different kinds of minds...Tragic results are seen when we misconstrue and possibly even misuse a child's kind of mind!"

"It's taken for granted in adult society that we cannot all be generalists skilled in every area of learning and mastery. Nevertheless, we apply tremendous pressure on our children to be good at everything. Every day they are expected to shine in math, reading, writing, speaking, spelling, memorization, comprehension, problem solving, socialization, athletics, and following verbal directions. Few if any children can master all of these "trades". And none of us adults can. In one way or another, all minds have their specialties and their frailties."

"It turns out you can change your mind but not exchange it."

"Opportunities to be creative and to brainstorm can be the salvation of children who are having a hard time succeeding academically. Art classes, music classes, and creative writing opportunities should be considered core curriculum in a nation that values and harbors a tradition of innovation. Some kids were born to create better than they learn. For them, in particular, the discovery of the right medium, the acquisition of technical skill, and the finding of a nurturing environment within which to try some creative leaps all boost self-esteem and motivation."

"Some children are described by their parents and teachers as 'gifted'...I have a few problems with this. First of all, there's no such thing as a perfect mind. Therefore, every gifted child has some discrete areas of weakness that could cause problems someday. Furthermore, every child I've ever met has had at least one area of potential or actual giftedness as part of his or her neurodevelopment profile."

"I would like to see every kid become an expert on something, accumulating more knowledge and insight on particular topics than anyone else in the immediate vicinity...Affinities should seed passions, intimately felt connections with subject matter. One word of caution: an affinity is not synonymous with recreational activity. It is instead an area of deep or potentially deep focused knowledge and interest."

"Writing is the largest orchestra a kid's mind has to conduct. So it shouldn't surprise us that if one or more of the instruments are lacking, their absence will seriously undermine that student's papers. For the most part, kids with output failure hate to write, but in truth, they are fearful of writing."

"It is not unusual to hear the comment that a particular kid would start doing well in school if he could get himself motivated. I tend to respond to this statement with lightly veiled indignation. 'I believe this kid will get motivated when he starts doing well in school!' Motivation is complicated. Success nourishes motivation and motivation makes further success more likely. Failure dampens motivation and a lack of motivation makes continuing failure a near certainty."

"I have seen way too many adolescents and young adults get into serious trouble as a result of chronic success deprivation."

"When we call someone lazy, we condemn a human being. I am convinced that laziness is nothing more than a myth...Everybody yearns to be productive. Every kid would prefer to do his homework and be praised for its quality...Therefore, when someone's output is too low, we shouldn't accuse or blame that individual. Instead, we should wonder what could be thwarting that person's output, obstructing his or her natural inborn inclination to produce."

"Remember, children usually know that their parents love them. What they wonder about is whether their parents respect them or boast about them to their friends and relatives."

"...more and more parents are afraid to let their kids manage their own conflicts or impasses in life. This is risky parenting because their children may never become effective personal problem solvers. A setback in school ought to be considered a vital part of education, but it can't be if it is taken over by parents in an effort to protect (in reality, overprotect) a child. Parents can serve as helpful consultants, but they should avoid actively intervening."

"Every child has valuable assets and inclinations. But what if a child possesses neurodevelopment strengths that are never allowed to flourish and grow? What if a latent talent forever remains untapped? What if a child's naturally strong areas of interest are stifled or deemed illegitimate or devalued by the adult world? The result is likely to be a young person who will endure a seriously delayed takeoff into adult life."

"Too often a child's flaming interests are doused and ignored, often when a child's affinities differ drastically from the tastes or values of her parents. But a mother or father can't completely program a child's affinities. Parents need to respond to what they see in each of their children."

"Parents cannot waver in their displays of respect for their kid-no matter how they see things going for him. Being a serious disappointment to your mother or father is a wound that's slow to heal. Sometimes a display of respect requires heroic flexibility and tolerance on the part of a parent."

Prom!

"They may talk of a comet, or a burning mountain, or some such bagatelle; but to me a modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object of the whole creation." -Oliver Goldsmith

This post will be nothing but picture overload. When Cody asked me to do their prom pictures, I don't think he realized that he was setting himself up for an hour and a half ordeal. Jessica of course knew exactly what she was getting herself into. She knew that allowing her mother to walk into a beautiful setting with the most perfect lighting and a camera in hand, meant that this batch of teenagers would be traipsing over every square inch of the grounds, posing at every tree, granite pillar, or fountain. I told Jess at the end of the night, "Well, I sure hope you all like each other, because you have more photos together than the average engaged couple does."

The trees were still blossoming, the tulips still blooming, and the sun behaved itself and hid politely behind a cloud.

What these kids don't know, is that there will never be another time in their lives when they will be this young, this skinny, this beautiful, this carefree. It would be a shame not to fully capture such a time.

One day, you wake up, and realize that your little girl has grown up. How did this happen? How did it happen before my very eyes, and I didn't recognize it? How is it that one day she was sleeping in my arms, and the next, she was frolicking around the capitol grounds in a formal?

 I told you this would be picture overload, but I just can't help myself. Every picture is so stinking darling!

Eventually we had made our way all the way around the capitol building. I had run out of poses and priceless corners of rock and foliage. Their dinner reservation was quickly approaching, so Neil and I sent them off with a sigh. Oh to be young again.

It's Showtime!

"And I like you by jingo!" 

-Jimmy Smith (Thoroughly Modern Millie)

March is the month we closed on and moved into our home. It is also a big show month for the Watson family. The week we moved in was Spencer's big week of performances for Thoroughly Modern Millie.

I get all teary eyed when I think about how close Spencer came to not getting to play the lead part in this thoroughly entertaining musical.

It was work to get Spencer into musical theater. You have to audition to even be in musical theater, and they don't normally allow 7th graders into the class. But a little bird told me that Mrs. Land does make exceptions. So we figured out when they were auditioning and got Spence over to the school. He was on the fence over whether to audition right up until the day of.

It came as little surprise when he made it into musical theater. Boys under 15 who can sing and act are a rarity, and I knew Mrs. Land would scoop him right up.

The class didn't show up on his schedule because, remember, 7th graders aren't allowed in the class. Upon trying to make the change to his schedule, we got to work with one very unhelpful counselor. "Yep sorry, the computer won't let me put him in. I guess you could go talk to an administrator or something." Thank you very much for being so helpful. I can see that our tax dollars are being well spent here as you put forth not even a modicum of effort to help my child pursue something that he really has interest and talent in. Or  have I just been laboring under the delusion that that is part of a school counselor's job?

I then chatted with his actual counselor in the halls. His actual counselor is a gem. She represents all that we parents need and wish for in a school counselor. She earns every penny of her paycheck and probably deserves more. I told her, "You don't understand. This kid has talent!" I'm sure that she gets that from every parent. But no you see, my child really does have talent. Rather than rolling her eyes, patting my head, and sending me on my way, she assured me that she would get approval from both the teacher as well as administration on this issue. She called me the next day, and we began the sticky task of trying to wiggle this class into his less than accommodating schedule. We ended up switching him out of honors math and into a more advanced orchestra but were finally able to get his schedule worked out.

One month later, this 7th grader of mine was cast as the leading guy in Thoroughly Modern Millie. And there he is as Jimmy, kissing Miss Millie at the end of the play. He got razzed pretty good over that one. My only word of advice to counselors is to please listen to parents. They know their kids. Please don't allow the inconvenience of approvals and class switching keep you from going through the effort of helping a kid pursue something he actually has a gift in. For some kids that one class may be the only thing keeping them going to school everyday. It may be the one thing keeping their self  esteem intact. 

This kid, on the other hand, seems to have many talents. One thing is for sure. He thrives on the stage. He never complained about the extensive rehearsals. He ate it up.

And so did we, as we watched him tap-dance, ham it up, and belt it out across that stage.

I was impressed with the caliber of this junior high production. Top notch really.

There he is...Jimmy Smith. 

And there's the fan club.

And the doting parents.

And the thoroughly adorable girl who played his Millie. Don't worry, I'll think of a few more ways to use the word thoroughly before this post is through.

You might ask where Spencer got his costume. From his closet. He bought the blazer at a DI in Vernal last September and wears it to school all the time. The fedora was a Christmas present. He added it to his ever-expanding hat collection. The bow tie, we bought for the play, which he was thrilled about because he's always wanted one. He's thoroughly a kid beyond his era. 

As Thoroughly Modern Millie was finishing up at the junior high, Shrek was just getting started at the high school, which means that we pretty much did not see Jess for the first two weeks of March. While most parents were there to watch their child on the stage, we were there to listen to our child beneath the stage.

Layton High doesn't usually use students for their pit. They usually hire professionals. But Jessica was thrilled to have the privilege of being one of the unpaid musicians in the pit this year.

I played in a pit once in high school. I hated it. The music was weird, always nondescript with an indecent number of flats and sharps. I suppose I was one of those cocky violinists who preferred playing the melody over accompanying a bunch of vocalists.

It is obvious that Jessica is a better musician than I ever was and a less cocky person, because she can't get enough of the whole pit experience.

Unlike the rest of the performers in the play, Jessica knew every actor's line and every lyric to every song, because she literally sat at the feet of every performer for every run-through and every performance. The girl could recite the play in her sleep. She knew it...well...thoroughly, to coin a term used not nearly enough in this post. And now the rest of the children walk around the house singing the songs and reciting the lines as they went and looked up the play on Netflix after seeing it live. If I had a quarter for every time I've heard Spence or Sabrina tromp through the house singing "Story of my life!!!" in their Pinocchio voices.

The play was amazing! I was a little skeptical after Layton High lost the great Mr. Ferrin last year. But the new theater teacher seems to be holding her own as she holds the musicals to Ferrin-like quality.

These two characters were Jessica's very favorite, so I had to grab a picture of them though it was strictly forbidden. That poor guy playing Lord Farquaad was in a costume resembling nothing short of a medieval torture device. He and his father created this costume to maintain his shortness throughout the play. The poor kid did the whole production on his knees. I ache just thinking about it. He and Donkey stole the show according to Jessica, but every actor was phenomenal. I look forward to the day Spencer dances across this stage as a performer.

Teresa volunteers for the school musical every year. Have I mentioned before that she is amazing? She elicited my help for taking photographs of audience members who wanted to pay for "professional" shots with members of the cast. This meant that I got to take a shot of her and Kelcey with the stars of the show, no payment necessary. 

I'm kind of sorry that March is over and that there are no more shows on my calendar. It was a thoroughly enjoyable month, and I am excited for future productions...how excited?...THOROUGHLY EXCITED:)