Mom Guilt

"Those who think they have no time for healthy eating will sooner or later have to find time for illness."

I know that I should be blogging all about the lovely holiday festivities going on in my life right now. And I will. But today I just have to get a few thoughts out of my mind and onto "paper" so that I can get on with my day. 

Do you notice anything interesting about the above photo? Surely anyone who knows anything about health and diet sees the irony in the fact that such food cohabitates peacefully side by side in my pantry. Certainly the fact that that Agave and dark Karo syrup reside together on the same shelf is akin to a member of the Gestapo sharing an apartment with Ghandi. And yet so it is. Thus my constant internal conflict and torment as a mother.

Let me explain. Auto-immune disorders abound in my family. They run through the genes of my family as prevalently as do the blue eyes and distinct Swedish brow. Diseases like Celiac, Crohns, ulcerative colitis, and idiopathic thrombocytopenia are commonplace in these parts. We discuss the latest break throughs in auto-immune research at the dinner table with as much fervor and enthusiasm as other families might discuss the latest draft picks or trends on Pinterest. Though there is much about these disorders that remains a mystery, two things are becoming very clear. One, that auto-immune disorders are highly genetic. Two, research is pointing to diet being a strong contributor to the onslaught of such diseases.

So here I sit, as a mother, trying to feed these children of mine, terrified that they are walking genetic time bombs just waiting to go off the minute one too many Oreos hits the digestive tract. I try to feed them my delicious healthy oatmeal. They simply turn up their noses at such "slop" they call it, and ask me to please pass the Cocoa Puffs or the more healthy option, the Frosted Mini Spooners. I know that I should be making my own tortillas, my own refried beans, my own mayonnaise, my own bread, my own dairy and sugar free ice cream, but these kids have play practice, and violin lessons, and scouts to get too. I can't start dinner prep at 3:00 in the afternoon. The kids have homework, and viola to practice, and the laundry needs to get done, and aren't we supposed to be doing family scripture study? 

Sometimes, I'm good at sneaking Chia seeds or Agave sweetener into my kids' food, hoping that these latest trendy food items are as good for us as the health magazines profess. Sometimes I can get them to eat clementines or apples as a snack, over say, a piece of white bread slathered with Nutella. "But Mom, Nutella is healthy." Uh huh, right. And sometimes, as I'm dropping my son off to viola lessons before heading to the store, he begs me to please please please pick up his favorite Salsa Verde Doritos and maybe some smore flavored Pop-Tarts if I feel so inclined. 

And I walk through the store, dropping Doritos into the cart...poison, as well as pop tarts...disease catalysts. The box does say that Pop Tarts are a good source of 7 vitamins and minerals. See, it's all good. And don't forget the devil himself...corn syrup for all of my holiday baking needs. I walk through the door, grocery sacks in hand. The children begin to rummage through the food and look at me as if I were Mother Teresa, and softly utter, "Bless you, mother." Then they begin to consume the Pop Tarts like a pack of ravenous wolves while reminding me that I'm the best mom ever. I offer a sad smile and remind myself that I'm the worst mom ever. That these kids should be pigging out on an avocado fresh from our November-in-Utah garden or at least something not rich in dextrose or soybean oil. I hope they get a move on with this Celiac and Crohns research. Those Pop Tarts are flying out of the box!