Shopping For Back-To-School: Why I Need a Therapist

"Back-to-School shopping is America's annual Running of the Bulls. Only more dangerous." 

I woke up in horror last weekend when I realized that school starts a week from today, and I have done no school shopping! Remember how I promised myself that I would not set foot in another retail store for at least a month after the wedding? My kids are right. I lie. 

When we were grabbing ice cream for Spencer's birthday on Friday, I told the kids, "Quick, run to the back of the store. Grab some binders and some pencils or something!"

I eventually met up with the kids. 

"What's this? A protractor? Throw it in the cart. Index cards? Give me five. Pencil pouches? Yeah, throw ten in there. Heck, everyone go grab a backpack. How much is that backpack? $50.00?!!! Whatever. I don't care, throw it in there with the calculator." 

Is this really what I've become? Am I really this worn out, this early in the game?

Today we ran to Station Park to do some clothes shopping. It was horrible. I hated it. Old Navy had been completely ravaged. There was a line to the dressing rooms that rivaled that of the soup lines of 1930. The boys could not be choosy. They were limited to the one to two pair of pants that were actually their size. Jonah picked five t-shirts, two of which are too small, three of which are too big. The line to the register didn't want to be outdone by the line to the dressing rooms. So Jonah and I waited, and I sent Sabrina and Spencer to H & M. I waited and waited and waited. My anxiety levels were peaking as the radio blared, and the toddlers screamed, and the two cashiers rifled through clothing at their leisure. I muttered to myself, "Lady, if you had any idea how close you were to a situation here, you'd scan those cardigans a little faster."

I really think I need therapy. I may never buy another piece of clothing as long as I live. I think I'll join a nudist colony. 

The kids want to hit Target tomorrow to finish up their school shopping. Maybe I'll run away before then. If you need me, I'll be hanging out with the nudists.