"The next time you're tempted to sin, just say, 'I'll do that tomorrow', and that way, you'll procrastinate your way right to heaven." -Neil Watson
This was the joke Neil started his mission farewell talk with. When I heard it on his farewell recording as a newly-wed, I laughed and laughed. Why? Because it made perfect sense to me. If it weren't for those darn sins of omission, I may very well have secured myself a spot in the kingdom of God by now. If it were only a matter of procrastinating doing bad until tomorrow and not so much about doing good today, my eternal reward would be in the bag.
But alas, here I sit with Jonah's county report due tomorrow, and I have done nothing more than look in my closet for that blasted construction paper flip-chart we are to fill with fun facts about Uintah county. Every time I tell myself that this is the year that I will not procrastinate my child's county report until the night before. I was determined to work on one page a week this time around. One page a week, I tell you. Who can't chisel out 20 minutes a week to work on a simple map of Uintah county? Apparently I can't, because the entire ordeal now stands before me. I'll be making a trip to Michael's and Hobby Lobby in ten minutes to procure me some plastic dinosaurs and card stock and glue for that lovely county float...the pinnacle of the county report experience.
I try to avoid jealousy, but when moms are posting pictures on Facebook of their child's county float, in all its completed glory, a full ten days before it is due, the envy boileth over. If there is such thing as a "Super-Mom", she most certainly is not a procrastinator.
I have two teenage daughters who could very well be crowned the Princesses of Procrastination. This frustrates and baffles Neil. "Where do they get it from?" he marvels, "I have never been a procrastinator!" And then I remind him that he stands before the Queen of Procrastination bathed in all of her postponing glory. I tell him that if he marries royalty, he better plan on a home filled with courtly procrastinators. This life would be no challenge at all for my children, if they did not inherit some weaknesses to overcome. And since Neil has none to offer the gene pool, the entire burden rests upon me. Fortunately, I have a plethora of vices and weak things to pass on to my poor innocent children.
Yes, Neil was raised by a mother who lived by the tried and true principle of "Get all of the yucky tasks over with first, so that only the fun stuff remains." And by the way, she was a super-mom. He would come home from class in college and immediately begin work on homework that wasn't due for a week. And what do you know, it took him a whole week to complete the assignment. It's a good thing he started early. I, on the other hand, would start a 20 page paper at 4:00 a.m. the day it was due. And what do you know, I really did need an entire term to work on that paper. Headaches, and sob-fests, and frankly, a poorly written paper would always ensue. It's how I have always rolled. I'm pretty sure that I've taken a good four years off my life due to these procrastination-induced frenzies over the years.
Tonight should be a real treat, especially because Sabrina has group lessons. I am seeing Little Caesar's on the menu for dinner tonight, and I am pretty much planning on my printer going out on me. It wouldn't surprise me at all if I got to Hobby Lobby to learn that there has been a recall on all glue in the country, as well as all plastic dinosaurs. It is the natural consequence given to all procrastinators, and yet we never learn.
Here is proof, that I've pulled this off twice before. I can pull it off one last time. Wish me luck.
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