"Adaptable as human beings are and have to be, I sometimes sympathize with the chameleon who had a nervous breakdown on a patchwork quilt." -John Stephen Strange
Right now I have to worry about 6th grade homework on warm summer nights that are supposed to be carefree and magical. I kind of hate that. Who am I kidding, it makes me want to openly rebel against the school system. You can make my kid go to school while all of his siblings blissfully sleep in, but you can't make him do his stinking homework, nor can I for that matter, so I'm not going to make him. Take that!
Right now my 18 year old has officially quit her job, gotten her wisdom teeth yanked out, and can speak of nothing but college, and college, and oh yah, college!
Right now I'm trying to be ok with the fact that my daughter is so excited to leave this house and so excited to leave this family and informs me regularly that her heart is already in Logan. I try to remind myself that it is normal and even healthy for an adult child to be anxious to leave the nest and get out on her own. I try to remind myself that she will come back and that with time she will value her family more and more.
Right now my brain is racing as I think about the many things she will need for college, and I'm kind of wondering how we will come up with the many said items, since the payment of her tuition has rendered us financially crippled.
Right now I stay up late waiting for teenagers to get home from their various carefree summer activities and drag myself out of bed early to get Jonah off to school. Right now I'm pretty tired.
Right now we are enjoying an occasional marshmallow roast out in the backyard, which is about the only way we can enjoy this desert wasteland we call a yard. The whole yard installment process is going soooo slooooow. Neil has bishopric stuff some nights, and we have Jonah homework stuff all nights, and the weekends have been full of scout camps, girls camps, youth conference, and family events. Installing a sprinkling system?...ain't nobody got time for that! I think we'll just pay someone to handle this for us. Oh yah, Utah State stole all of our money. We're broke. Never mind.
Right now I am looking at having one child in elementary school, one child in junior high, one child in high school, and one child in college. Right now I'm thinking I should have had these babies a little closer together.
Right now I am trying to figure out how we can have a party with Jessica every single night between now and when we take her up to college considering Utah State stole all our money and we have to do stupid sixth grade homework every night. Because all I really want to do right now is play every single night with this family and these children that I adore so much before everything starts to change.
Right now I can't even really picture what life will look like with Jessica not living under our roof. I haven't been able to go there.
Right now I need to do school shopping for Sabrina and Spencer and college shopping for Jessica.
Right now we are spending a lot of time on the computer registering kids and paying fees. Who knows what we're paying for. Who knows! We are just handing out money to every institution that somehow feels entitled to it. Right now I wait with trepidation for the teenagers' schedules to pop up so that I can decide just how much time I get to spend in a counselor's office attempting to make changes.
Right now I want to throw all caution to the wind, and take my four little children, and my dear sweet husband, and head for the coast with ne'er a look back. I want to sit on the beach and watch my little ones search for seashells. I want to pretend that life is simple and slow like it used to be and that these sweet children will stay under my wing forever. I want to pretend for one blessed week that life doesn't change, that kids don't grow up, and that I can continue to maintain control of this little world I've created and these little spirits that I've brought into it.
Right now I want to go back to this:
And then I'll come back, and then life can change, and I will quit whining and fretting and mourning over the loss of those quiet times of yesteryear, and I will accept and even embrace the new life that awaits our family. I know the blessings and the joys will be great and many. It's just the unknown I'm not ok with, but I'll be ok...eventually.
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