I Wish...

"When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses." -Dr. Joyce Brothers

Grandma was a remarkable mother. She worked full-time for the first part of her kids' lives. She still had dinner on the table every night. She made bread on Monday and saved some of the dough for soup and scones on Tuesday. She stayed up late into the night doing laundry and sewing clothes for her kids. She canned anything that could be canned. I wish I had spent less time feeling inadequate compared to her and more time feeling grateful that she had raised my husband in such a warm nurturing environment.

Grandma loved, loved, loved her children and would literally do anything to spend time with her kids and grandkids. She never missed a birthday. She never missed a recital or performance. She never missed a Sunday night dinner. She never forgot to call and remind us "Dinner on Sunday". She would even go so far as to climb on the back of a snowmobile, if it meant spending time with her kids. I wish I had cherished her quiet and consistent  presence more.

Grandma did not have an easy life. She left an alcoholic home at 14 years old and supported herself through high school. She endured a difficult marriage for twelve years, saving a bond a paycheck until she was self-sufficient enough to take her daughter and leave the marriage. She took responsibility for her own life. When she was unhappy with her circumstances, she put a plan into place to change her circumstances, then patiently worked through that plan. I wish I had asked more questions about her life and listened more closely to her stories. I wish I had written the stories down when she told them.

She loved Neil's dad. They had a beautiful marriage. They did everything together. They went to work together and came home together. They raised children together. They travelled together. They took organ lessons together. They grocery shopped together. They read the scriptures together. Al helped Ruth color her hair every month. Ruth loved Al's daughters like her own. They raised a blended family with love and respect. I wish I had taken the time to thank Ruth for showing Neil what an ideal marriage looks like, so that he could create one of his own someday.

Grandma was a genuinely happy person. She never complained. We never knew when she was sick. She was never too tired or too ornery for her family. Neil didn't quite know what to do in the beginning years of our marriage when I would have one of my meltdowns. His mom didn't have those. I wish I had followed her example a little more.

Grandma was an amazing homemaker. She cooked delicious meals and had mastered how to make them low cholesterol to bring down Al's numbers. I wish I had gotten more of her recipes. I wish I had asked her to teach me how to can and how to bake bread and how to make Yorkshire Pudding. I wish I had tried again to learn how to crochet and knit under her patient tutelage. I wish I had utilized that sewing machine she bought me a little more. 

I wish I had relished our conversations more. I wish I had invited Grandma over to play games more often. She loved games. I wish I had watched this wonderful woman more closely and learned from her more readily. I wish I had better appreciated all of her little acts of service. I wish I had been a little more aware of what a blessing she was in my life. I wish I had told her how much I loved her before she died. I wish.