"The true search is for what you believe in. When your heart's engaged, the inevitable headache and daily annoyances become tolerable and don't derail your commitment. Let your brain be your heart's soldier."
-Po Bronson
What can I say, this girl is eating up college with the same intensity she devours a bag of Oreos. She LOVES it! She adores her roommates who have become her family. She loves her apartment where there is such an energy and sense of community. She loves loves her ward. When she does come home for the weekend, she is anxious to get back Saturday night because there is too much she doesn't want to miss with her own congregation. She already has a calling as a relief society teacher and loves her family home evening group, her bishop, her ward family.
I would strongly recommend that young women go far enough away to college that they have an opportunity to be a part of a college ward. It costs more money, but I'm telling you, I think it's worth every penny. Sometimes our money is going to more of an education than we realize. When our children are away from us at school, they may be receiving as much of a spiritual education as any other.
Jessica is fired up about the gospel, about serving, about worshiping. Her ward is another part of her new college family, and together they are learning to minister to one another, to serve one another, to teach one another. Even those who live at home and travel up to attend the nearest college ward, I wonder if they have the same experience. There is something about attending church with those in your community. In Jessica's case, her community is her apartment complex. Everyone in her ward lives in her apartment complex. There is a place for everyone in the LDS church, and I believe the place for young single adults is in a college ward.
Ah, first day of school photos. I'm glad they documented this day. It was hard not to be there to see her off.
Sometimes one must break away from all that studying and explore fall in Logan canyon.
All dolled up for the 80's dance. We did not look that cute in the real 1980's, though we thought we did.
And since I seem to be fairly comfortably planted here on my soapbox, let me express a few more thoughts that seem to be surfacing as of late. This is the FAC. The Fine Arts Center. Or in Jessica's endearing terms..."The Land of My People". The day after we left Jess in Logan, she made her way to this building and instantly knew that she was home.
She spends most of her days here.
I seem to recall a conversation with Jess a couple of years ago as we were doing everything we could think of to push her through her science and math classes. We informed her that college would be much more difficult than high school, so she had better learn to push through unpleasantries now. She insisted that it would be different in college because she would be doing what she loved. I told her that even the things you love can become drudgery when you have to do them day in and day out.
I am standing here on my soapbox corrected. That seventeen year old may have been right, and she may just be proving that to me as we speak.
Let me give you just a glimpse of the life of a music education major. Jessica is required to do 24 hours of private cello practicing a week. She is required to practice with her quartet five hours a week. She is required to go to five hours of orchestra rehearsals a week. No absences. No excuses. She has an hour private lesson with her cello coach each week. She has an hour studio class with her fellow cellists each week. She is required to attend every string concert that Utah State offers. One of her daily scheduling challenges is figuring out when she is going to eat.
On top of all of this she must attend and be prepared for her yoga class, music technique class, keyboarding class, music technology class, and science class. All of this, and on paper she is only enrolled in 13 credit hours. It is the lot of a music major, double the work for half the credits. She does twelve to thirteen hours on campus 3 days a week. She begins practicing at 6:30 a.m. This is necessary in order for her to secure her already reserved practice room from any trombone thief that might decide to snag her space.
Sometimes one must take a moment, just you and your cello in the practice room in the wee hours of the morning, and indulge in a "Cel"fie.
Sometimes I remind Jessica of just how busy she thought she was last year as a senior with a job and involved in two symphonies. She just laughs, and laughs, and laughs.
I can not express in right words what she is now experiencing. So I will use her words:
"I've only just started this journey. I'm still at the bottom looking up at the stars, but I already sound better than I ever did. And I'm willing to work, and keep working. I'm not afraid. It's not a challenge. It's just a change that I'm getting used to. And I'm loving every minute. Even those minutes when I'm so frustrated I can't even think straight. This incredible journey I'm on is only warming up. The refiner's fire is an intense one. But then again, I always was too stubborn to quit;)"
She was right. It's different because she's doing what she loves. I am reminded of a quote by Michel de Montaigne:
"The least strained and most natural ways of the soul are the most beautiful; the best occupations are the least forced."
This truth also comes to mind:
"Interests beg for cultivation. It is an essential part of parenting and educating to respond supportively to a kid who consistently shows a strong attraction to a particular subject matter, be it pickup trucks, cats, waterfowl, clothing design, or drama. Affinities should develop into domains of expertise and passion. They can provide a sense of identity and direction as a person marches toward adulthood."
"Too often a child's flaming interests are doused or ignored, often when a child's affinities differ drastically from the tastes or values of her parents. But a mother or father can't completely program a child's affinities. Parents need to respond to what they see in each of their children." -Mel Levine
There is a high school in our area that is a S.T.E.M based school. For those with little ones, you may not have been bombarded with this acronym yet. STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics. If a student works hard enough in this school, she may graduate with an associates degree. There were several parents who encouraged us to enroll Jess in this school because she was smart and because it could save us money in tuition in the long run. The first question out of my mouth was "Does the school offer a good music program?" When I found out that the arts were all but neglected in this school, I answered with a resounding no my child will not be attending that school. Too often we parents are so fixated with protecting our pocket books that we forget to nurture those natural God-given affinities that sit dormant within our children.
I would say this. Watch your children. Listen to your children. As they approach the age of about eight to ten notice what interests they migrate to. What activities do you never have to remind them to get ready for or drag them to? What interests do they seem to have an overflowing well of patience and attention for. What do they seem to do for hours and never get bored of? What skills do you never have to remind them to practice? What homework do they always do first or save for last because it's their favorite? What activity to do you find them constantly nagging you about signing them up for? When you step out of your busybody pants and just allow your child to do with their free time what they will...what do you consistently find them doing?
Do not ignore such observations. My mom had interest in dancing as a little girl. Her mother told her, "You'll grow out of that". Mom enrolled in dance classes at 50 years old. She is now 61 years old and still attends dance every Monday night. How sad that she had to wait until her body was too old to really take off with such a passion. My sister played librarian all the time as a little girl. She would walk around with all of her office stuff constantly. She majored in accounting, and loves it. My brothers loved being in the mountains as boys and were fixated with rocks. One brother just earned his PHD in Geology and is now teaching geo/science at UVU. My other brother recently returned from a mining seminar where he was one of the speakers. My little sister has always been obsessed with words. She is a technical writer for a transportation company. My baby sister loved dance as much as my mom, but Mom didn't wait to sign her up for dance. Alicia now works at a dance studio and choreographs upwards of 13 dances a season. Me, starting at age 12, I walked around with a camera in hand at all times. As I do to this day.
This is real. Do not squelch your child's interests because they don't match yours! A paramount component to God's great plan of happiness is agency. I have learned that when children and adults alike pursue any path through an exertion of their own agency, they progress at alarming rates and their ability to do good is magnified. It is a truth I have come to know. It is a truth God understands which is why He never disrupts our agency.
I'll step off my soapbox and leave you with another quote off Jessica's blog:
"You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it courageously."
-Dr. Steve Maraboli
May we as parents open the way to our children's greatest self, today and always.
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