Tolkien Or Nothing!

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas

Reading is the thorn in Jonah's side. It is difficult for him. He is his father's child. He is a number's boy, not a word boy. He has been below grade level on reading fluency since the beginning. He reads. He doesn't read fluently according to the dreaded Dibels test. Remember back in our day when it didn't matter how fast you read? Remember back when you didn't have to go out in the hall with some stranger and a stop watch and prove your worth by reading out loud The Boxcar Children in record time with less than three errors? Remember when you could pick up a book, any book, and just read? Those were the days. But gone are those days.

Jonah will only read one author, and that is J.R.R. Tolkien. This is a wonderful thing really except that The Fellowship of the Ring is far beyond his reading level. He carries around the Lord of the Rings collection with him at all times. He carried it into his SEP conference, and his teacher looked at that monstrosity of a book and asked in the most gingerly of ways, "Tell me why Jonah, you choose such a big advanced book to read?" He explained that ever since he saw The Lord of the Rings movies, he's been interested in all things Tolkien. Miss Spencer said that she was thrilled that he had such a passion but recommended that he split up his time between that book and a book more on his reading level. She said that reading a book on his level would help his fluency. Jonah smiled and nodded.

Oh, but make no mistake here. Jonah had no intention of reading any other book. This is not the first time we've gone the rounds on this topic, but we went another round last night just for good measure. A knock down drag out fight is good for the mind and body. It causes one's  adrenaline and heart rate to rise. It enlivens the senses and adds variety to what might otherwise have been a dull evening. At least this seems to be Jonah's take on the matter.

So I dragged that book out of my closet that I bought him for Christmas. That book that looks so intriguing. All about these children who get abducted not only from another place but another time in history. And these children happen to coincide with real ill-fated children from history. The main character is even named Jonah. (Jonah was far from impressed). This particular book seems to be all about poor little Alexis Romanov. But Jonah would have none of it. I bribed him with a new Lego set. I threatened him with no play dates with his favorite cousins. I man-handled him onto the couch. I pulled out my own book on the Romanovs and showed him a picture of the actual boy in his sailor suit and dramatically explained to him the tragic story of Alexei Romanov. Jonah looked at me as if to say, "At least poor Alexei wasn't forced to read a book he didn't want to." I think he would have been relieved if some Bolsheviks had ransacked our house at that very moment and spared him the misery of reading this horrid piece of literature.  

I opened his big fat Tolkien book and said, "See this. This is called laborious reading for a sixth grader. See this word, not even I know the meaning of this word. See Jonah, your mom needs a dictionary to read this book."

Then I opened this other book and said, "See this. This is normal sixth grader reading. See how few words there are on this page? See how you know the meaning of every word on this page?"

But what do I know? Apparently I'm an idiot. And apparently so is his teacher who sits with thirty years of experience under her belt. And apparently so is his father and anyone else who dares argue with this obstinate eleven year old. 

It's nothing but fun and games over here in the Watson household. I always say the Lord knew I was done having kids so he sent me a humdinger at the end. Rest assured, there are no over-inflated parent egos in this house. In fact, deflated may be the predominant adjective in these parts. 

In the end, I got Jonah to read three pages from this book, while I read the other seven. I suppose you could call that a win for the parents, but not really. He threw the book on the floor when we were done and basically called it the devil himself. Tonight will go smoothly because we'll be reading what he wants to read. Sometimes I wonder if Dibels, and STAR, and ACT's, and SAT's are really just harming and not helping. All I know is that whenever I get home from an SEP conference with my knickers in a knot over Dibels and WPM, Jonah ends up in tears and determined never to open another book again. And when I ask Jonah to go grab his Tolkien book, he skips off and comes back and snuggles up with me and begins his labored but happy reading. Sometimes I just throw my hands in the air and say, "To heck with it. Read what makes you want to read, Jonah."  And other times we have the knock down drag out fight. At least I get my heart rate up those nights.

The child may not be a fast reader, but he is a master arguer. Maybe I should encourage him to go into law...no, too much reading. Unless...do you think Tolkien wrote any books on law? I'll look into it.

For now I have a book about Alexandra Romanov to devour.